Today the whole family went to church. My husband as moral support for me, as it's been half a year since I last went because I felt pressured to lead sunday school for the little ones. And I don't want to do it. I've attended the sunday school together with my son, and said I could help out whenever present, but not be in charge. This message somehow didn't get through to the people in charge, and I was sent a list of spring's sunday school dates and asked "which one(s) do you want to lead?" I was in a difficult dilemma... I didn't want to lead and I felt I couldn't say no and still attend mass and sunday school, so I stopped going to church for this last 6 months.
It was of course a difficult thing to do, as I need to go to church regularly to get my spiritual refills, but I didn't have the courage to face the organisators of the sunday school and their continous questions about me leading it.
But today I made a new start. We got a new priest and it's a new month, and I gathered courage by thinking that the organisators are in fact rude by pressuring me to do something I don't want to, and that I have as much right as they to come to church. And I brought along both our new baby girl, our son and my husband.
After mass I was exhausted of the tension I had inside. A couple of women congratulated me with the baby, but other than that I didn't speek to anyone. One of the sunday school organisator asked if having a new baby was the reason why I hadn't been to church for a while, and I simply answered yes.
The problem with this church is that it's too small. Both in terms of actual size of the building and in terms of people going there. That seems like a contradiction, but it's true. There's too many people at every mass, and the church is too hot and overcrowded with people. And there's few other families with small children. Perhaps they belong to the church but doesn't attend mass due to the seating problems (one does get a bad concious for ones active child occupying a seat whilst adults are standing at the back of the church). And there's certainly very few (if any) other Norwegian families with small children. I think our son is the only Norwegian kid. The others are Polish and Vietnamese. And they have their own masses and their own communities within the church. It's somewhat strange being a minority in ones own country... I don't mind getting to know people of different heritages, but it's not easy when they tend to talk their own language amongst themselves.
Our son said that it was no fun going to church. And I agreed with him. It's not funny, but it can be nice and spiritual refilling. But today's mass didn't actually make me want to do it again... it's too hot in the church, with too many people and too little space and air, and I'm constantly thinking about how to make our son learn something and behave properly. It's a stress, and I'm happy when the mass is finished. Attending the sunday school isn't very good either, because it tends to be only a place where the kids can play, and doesn't receive any teaching, and because it's in a different room, I don't get to hear the priest's sermon.
I really don't know what to do. I'm convinced that the Catholic church is the right place for me to worship, and it's the right faith to teach my children, but the masses are not children-friendly, and there's no avtivities for families and kids under the age of 7 (when they're starting to prepare themselves for the first holy communion). And I know that in the lutheran church close to where we live, there's a thriving congregation consisting of many families like our, and they have a vast offer of sunday school adjusted to the kids' ages. What's more important? Activities or content? Lutheran activities and Catholic content would be perfect...
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