A true blessing!

Yesterday I was stuck in bed for the most of the day with muscle pains and fever. Our beautiful son (2,5 yrs old) cared for me, on his own initiative! We are so proud of the boy, showing genuine consideration for others. We haven’t done anything in particular to make him do this. We care very much for him and always try to meet his needs as we find it best. And we acknowledge and appreciate his caring for others, and tells him about it.

When I said to my husband and son that I was going back to bed after finishing breakfast, our boy jumped up and said, I’ll go and prepare the bed for you, mummy. He went to the bedroom and found me several of his “shirts” (he uses his father’s used t-shirts for cuddling, and calls them shirts). He also asked me if I wanted a pacifier. I smiled and thanked him no. Not making fun of him for his concern. He likes to have his pacifier when lying in bed, so it is only natural that he thought I would like it as well. Then he rushed downstairs to get some of his books so that he could read for me. He sat beside me in our bed and read (ie talking about the pictures) to me. After finishing one book, he went back downstairs with that and got another one upstairs to read me more. He really is a good boy!

And today, at the parent-teacher talk at his kindergarten (which I couldn’t attend due to my illness), my husband heard only positive things about our son. He’s very much liked by the other kids, helping and sharing.

Of course he can be angry and he’s got some temper when he doesn’t get his will. But, I always remind that it’s ok to be angry, but one should always say one’s sorry and ask for forgiveness when hurting others. Deliberately or not. We are his main examples when growing up, so we try to live by the same standards as we teach him. And I always tells him that I love him no matter how angry he is. Because when he’s angry he’s also crying.

I thank the Lord for blessing us with this precious boy, a real gift for our family. Not only for my husband and me, but also to his grandparents and aunts and uncles. And, it is such a givng task, to have to put my feelings aside and focus on my son. And to be able to guide and comfort him in his journey towards adulthood. It can be hard at times, but it is also very giving.

A day in skirt

Some of the blogs I read have done “a week in modest dress”-things where the blog writer takes a picture of herself everyday in a week. This is Anna in Veiled Glory. That’s one of the most inspiring thing to read about, as this shows ordinary people putting their stand on modest clothing into practise. That’s one of my main current goals. Today I’ve spent the entire day in modest clothes, long sleeved shirt and long black denim skirt. It makes me feel good. My consience is good and I feel like a woman. All my skirts are either knee length or mid calf length. None are shorter. But with the knee lengths, I’m constantly checking to see that it hasn’t slipped over the knee, and when bending down, I’m thinking about how much of my legs are showing. But the most uncomfortable aspect is the need for panty-hose. I really hate wearing panty-hoses, whatever the thickness of it. I never seem to find the right size. It’s either too large or too small, or if it fits my legs, it sure doesn’t fit the rest…

Walking in the city today, I was approached by a woman from the Jehovah’s Witnesses. I got two brochures and a book called “Knowledge”. I thought I might find something inspiring for me in it. I’m not considering changing churches, I’m a convinced catholic, but that doesn’t restrain me from being inspired by other christians’ faith. Imagine the courage this woman has, walking up to complete strangers, starting to talk about God. Think about all the rejection she gets in a day of her mission. I find it sometimes hard to tell people I’m a believer… in fear of the picture they may make of me in their head. But, since becoming a mother and in my 30’s, I’m more confident and doesn’t fear this as much as I used to.

I’ve managed to keep away from chocolate and sweets today. The first days are always the worst. I have to warn my husband… because my temper is not good when quitting comfort-eating. But, it will pass, and I know I can do it, because I’ve done it before (quitting that is). And I visualise the good feeling of internal physical cleanliness I get when not eating the “forbidden” food. I can’t see myself quitting chocolate for life. I think this is the way it could be with me and my comfort-eating. I hope for the periods of non-eating to be longer than the others. And I think about how my son will see me comfort-eating, and perhaps learn from my example. That’s what I did with my mum. The food at home was always very healthy and in the right amounts, but whenever having a good time, eating sweets (chocolate, cakes, etc) was a certainity. And, she has been comfort-eating for years. But, she didn’t admit it until I told her I was doing it...

it's enough!

My tummy is the size of a pregnant woman ready to give birth, I have heartburn and sitting at my desk in the office is not comfortable! :(This would be acceptable if I had been pregnant, but I’m not, and it is all due to me eating too much. This morning I bought a 200 gram chocolate bar and ate it all before lunch. Then I had my two sandwiches for lunch sitting in front of the computer, and when all the others had lunch, I ate 500 dl of yoghurt. And now I feel stuffed. I can’t take this anymore! It is time for a ban on all chocolate, sweets and other extra eating! This has to stop! I’m embarrased about my large tummy, and with summer in sight, it’s time I start right now!!

Of course, I’m not going to be slim in May, but my stomach is going to flatten, and that’s the most important thing! Being large, I’m used to, but looking pregnant, is not good. Oooh, I feel sick just thinking about the amounts of calories I’ve been eating the last months… and to no, absolutely no use what so ever! I’m certain I’ve put on some weight. (I haven’t dared to check) And now it has to come off! I won’t be dieting, I’ll still have butter on my sandwich and eat a piece of cake when offered, but by increasing my level of activity and stop eating extras, I’ll loose some weight.

Inspiration

For some time I’ve been thinking about how God’s mother, the Holy Virgin Mary, could inspire me to lead a better life. I didn’t find the right application in my life for her. Not until I read Kim’s blog (which I often read) and in particular this post about “May it be done to me according to your will, and not mine“. Now I know how the Holy Virgin Mary’s example can inspire me. She dared to follow God’s will for her, knowing, or at least she must have had some thoughts about what she could expect of social consequences… And she probably didn’t know about all the things she’d experience as Jesus’ mother! But she trusted the Lord and relied on Him. That should be my goal also!

But, I find it somewhat difficult to know what is from the Lord, and what is not. Like, does the Lord test us by giving us hard times? Or is the hard times the result of people’s free will, and some people choose not to follow the Lord’s guidance in conducting their lives? And to what detail does the Lord actually guide us?

Traditions

I really enjoy baking! Today I made an apple cake, as we had guests. After becoming a mother, it has become more important to me to be somewhat more of a housewive than before… baking cakes from the ground (i.e. not using any ready-made cake mixes) and ironing the clothes. Perhaps I’m trying to recreate the stability and good feelings represented by my grandparents. My grandfather, whom I considered as my “father”, died seven years ago, and I still miss him. My grandmother is still living and in good health, but someday she’ll pass away, and my second set of parents, my favourite set, will be gone. And it will be, as a matter of fact it is already, up to me to bring on the things I learned from them.

As my father failed in all ways, except in providing us with enough money, and my mother also is a victime of his tyrannic behaviour, I’ve always regarded my grandparents as my role models. (They are my mother’s parents)

Wednesday’s work session with our auditor went well. We’ll have another one next week, but I’m not so tense about it. But, I’ve made another mistake, effecting all the employees. I’ve forgotten to report to the government tax office the income and the tax they’ve paid during the last year… I get uncertain about myself… previously I never made any mistakes… I’m a perfectionist, and have always been preoccupied with never making any mistakes. But this is one… and yesterday I came 30 minutes late to an appointment. That’s not like me either. I don’t understand why I’m making mistakes. And - the worst (?) thing is that I’m rather calm about it. My husband tells me I’m becoming normal…

Oh, no, not again! :(

Will I ever learn? Why must I always wait to the last possible chance to do important stuff? I have this task at work that I shuld have done in January. But, did I? No, of course not, I’ve postponed it to the last possible day - today! Three months I’ve had to do this important task. Knowing all along that one day our auditor would come and go through last year’s financial statements. Tomorrow is the day, and today I have to do all the things that needs to be done before the auditor can check our financial statements.

Why don’t I ever learn? Why do I have to postpone to the last minute things I could have done in the previous months, giving me time to discover any errors and correct them, without the stress!! This repeats itself everytime something big is due! I did this with my reading to exams when studying, and I’ve continued doing it with work tasks. I even do it at home, when cleaning or baking before visitors are due…

Workday is finally over...

I’m waiting for my husband and son to come and collect me, and I must say that I’ve worked fairly well today. Because I was under pressure (see other post today) I was able to concentrate and focus on my work. I must make a commitment to stop surfing the internet while at work. I know a lot of hours are wasted on that!

So, I’m feeling prepared for tomorrow’s meeting with the auditor, but I’m still a little tense about it… Will she ask me questions I don’t remember the answer to? I hate it when asked things I haven’t prepared for, thus not able to answer at the top of my head… I’m afraid that makes me look stupid! And my memory is VERY poor!