Monday morning thoughts

Most of my thoughts today center around the “new baby” issue… will my period start today or tomorrow as scheduled? Should I take a test to see whether a new baby is in its first development inside me, or is it simply a waste of time and money? (I’ve taken numerous tests earlier this year when waiting for my period - and all have been negative) I’m not as pms ridden as usual, but this differ from period to period as well. I wish my system was on the clock punctual and that if my period was one day or week late, I could be certain that it was due to pregnancy. But, unfortunately, that’s not me! Its perfectly normal for me to wait everything from a day to a couple of weeks extra for my period to begin. Hence, the conceiving thing is somewhat tricky - because it isn’t possible to pinpoint the exact days certain activities should take place…

I try not to think about this too much, as I know that could have impact on my chances to become pregnant. But because this is something I want very much, it’s hard to not think about it! I should try to talk to God about it, and put it in His hands. I must admit that that’s a thing I’ve problems with doing. In important cases, like this, I don’t rely fully on God, and I somehow think that I should fix it myself. Because when I ordered a new baby from God, He didn’t deliver, and I’m disappointed with Him. Why couldn’t He give me a second child when I started wanting it? If I’m not pregnant now, and becomes pregnant later this year, I would have to be pregnant during the hot summer months… and me being a “hot” person, that’s not something I’d enjoy. I did it the last time, and it wasn’t comfortable at all! (My firstborn is born in September) And the age difference between the two will be larger.

I have some sharp pains at both sides of my stomach, deep down - almost where my thighs begin. I remember having pains at these sides at the early stages of my previous pregnancy, but dare I think these are the same?

Today it’s two weeks since I stopped eating chocolates and sweets (again). I’ve already lost 0,6 kg. And I’m satisfied with my achievements. My main motivation is becoming more fertile, and also be able to do more without becoming tired. I wont loose weight in a hurry, and become super slim. My main goal is to loose 20 kg in 1,5 year. That’s a reasonable time, and it means that I don’t have to be on a diet all the time. Being on a diet removes my want to eat anything, giving me bad consciousness if I should eat, and that’s not a good thing. I do this my way, all on my own, that gives me a feeling of control, and that’s something I need!

I’ve also been in modest and feminine clothes everyday for the past two weeks. I’ve worn skirts and modest tops. My skirts have different lengths, some are summer skirts knee length, others are more autumn/winter and have longer lengths. I really like wearing skirts! But I have some difficulties with being more visible - as women around me doesn’t wear skirts as the rule, but sometimes… There’s a destructive feeling inside me because I’m dressing femininely. I try to overhear this inner thought, but… it isn’t easy… and it drains me of my energy!

Afraid of Christianity!

Read in the newspaper that in a new textbook, to be used in a subject called Religion and Ethics, for the Norwegian primary, or was it secondary, school the notions B.C and A.D. are replaced by something like After Ordinary Time counting (AOT) (bad translation), being religion neutral!

I think this is just stupid! The notions have been used since forever, and now the textbook authors have to make up a new notion simply because the book should be neutral to all religions.

Its a main tendency in Norway, to remove all references to religion from the public space and becoming neutral. I can’t see why that’s so important! Norway’s been a Christian country since 1030 AD, and why do we need to remove that reference from peoples’ everyday lives and make it something for the history interested. If any of our immigrants are troubled by Norway being a Christian country, they need to adjust themselves, or go somewhere else. But I don’t think it’s the immigrants that complains, I think it’s secular people around in various leading positions, trying to remove the Christian faith and all its references, because religion doesn’t mean anything to them.

Norwegians doesn’t seem to need a God to believe in. One’s satisfied with oneself and ones’ life, and if not, its only one person who can fix it, and that’s oneself! It’s a very self oriented society, where the aims are to realize ones utmost potentials, taking less care of hurting someone or sacrificing someone in the process.

I don’t like it nor do I approve of it. Although we have a lot of benefits in this country, we’re at the top, or among the top) of the countries when it comes to suicides and depressions. That’s a warning signal of a cold and harsh society!

Easier to dress modest during autumn

I find it much easier to dress modestly now when the weather is colder, than in the midst of summer. Now I wear my knee-length summer skirts with tights underneath. Half or full sleeve blouses/tunics, and the long warmer skirts, makes a modest and comfortable wardrobe. I also have a couple of almost see-through tunics that I wear over my least modest tees. I manage to wear skirts all week when leaving the house. At home I have a couple of very comfy (but not at all stylish) sweat pants that I wear. But mainly that’s inside the house or perhaps out in the street watching my son play or when driving him to the kindergarden and following him in. I have a variety of different skirts, and I like wearing them. This is something I’ve chosen for myself, and am totally comfortable with. I like the femininity of the skirts, but also the fact that they’re not as warm as my pair of jeans.

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Today and yesterday I’ve had a light form for morning sickness… but dare I believe that it’s pregnancy related, or should I keep telling myself that this has nothing to do with me being pregnant, this is only related to my tonsillitis and the bad taste I wake up with every morning as a result of my tonsillitis being chronic. Or even my body faking pregnancy symptoms because I want it that much… Of course I really hope, and pray for, a little life starting in my womb, but as I’ve hoped for that every month since January this year, and every month becoming disappointed, I’m reluctant to hope too much. It’s better if I assume I can’t have any more babies, and then if I can, I can be happily surprised… this was somewhat easier to believe in before my first pregnancy… but now that I know I can have children naturally concieved I think that it should be possible a second time. Oh, how hard it is to wait for my period to come (or hopefully not)…

Why niqab?

Some weeks ago I saw two women wearing all black, like in this picture, even black gloves, and it made me wonder why they do. I felt sorry for them, as I saw their dress as a prison. I can’t understand why it is necessary for a woman to cover herself this much, as though she’s trying to be invisible! I can’t see how that’s liberating to the woman.

I’ve done some internet searching and found an answer to the niqab question. I suppose that muslimahs around the world disagree upon the need to use niqab or simply the hijab, as they disagree about a lot of other hijab issues. (Hijab both in the sense of the veil and in the sense of modest clothing.)

In general muslim women should wear modest clothes, not drawing attention to their appearance or body. It seems as though most think that a veil covering the hair and neck, is needed in order to complete the modest attire. See explanation below.

Syed maintains that when a woman is covered, men cannot judge her by her appearance but are forced to evaluate her by her personality, character, and morals. “I tell them that the hijab is not a responsibility, it’s a right given to me by my Creator who knows us best. It’s a benefit to me, so why not? It’s something every woman should strive to get and should want.”

The young woman admits to being surprised that many people wonder if she wears the hijab everywhere (at home, when sleeping, in the shower). The truth is that Muslim women only cover themselves in front of men who are not direct relatives (brothers, fathers, and uncles) to prevent indecent acts or thoughts. (From “Why do Muslim women wear the hijab?” Eighteen year old Canadian Muslimah Sumayyah Syed explains.)

I’ve also read that the Prophet Muhammad explains the covering of women as a mean of protecting what is beatiful. I can’t recall the exact words, but it had something to do with hiding ones gems/pearls. It was in fact a beatiful sentence/excerpt.

According to Al-Muhajabah (meaning she who wears Islamic dress) niqab (see picture with woman in black) is an even better way of seeking to obtain the love of Allah. It is a prolonging of the hijab, covering even more, and harder to wear etc All this resulting in niqab being even better than hijab in means of keeping private what is meant to be private. She states that there’s not an explicit reference to niqab in the Quran, but makes reference to some other text and the fact that the Prophet’s wifes surely wore niqab. (For a full understanding and explanation, visit the www.muhajabah.com pages)

To me a niqab still looks as a prison for women, but now I know why someone choose this.

Bristol Palin (a good role model)

First of all I’d like to say that it’s strange for a foreigner following the US presidential election from the outside, how much of the presidential and vice-presidential candidates’ personal life and history has to be dug out and scrutinised. I mean, a person seeking presidential (or vice-p.) power can’t go through their lives without hurting anyone or doing any mistakes! I’v read about mr Palin’s drunk driving 22 (!) years ago, about mrs Palin’s past as a beauty contest participant, and of course about Bristol Palin, their unmarried dautghter’s pregnancy.

Of course miss Palin should’ve waited to have sex until she was married, but for some reason she didn’t, and her choice to have the baby and take the responsability of her actions should make her a role model to other unmarried pregnant teen-agers, and their families, who should be supportive and helpful with taking care of the unplanned blessing arriving.

Whether Bristol Palin had chosen to have her baby hadn’t her mother been a VP candidate or high profile pro-life politician, we’ll probably never know. We all do mistakes in our lives, and criticising Bristol Palin and reminding her about how much her teen-age pregnancy has disappointed her parents, that’s, in my opinion, just mean. It’s her mother that has chosen to become a vice-president candidate, not Bristol Palin. Suddenly this young woman is being written about and spoked about all around the country and overseas. She’s used to her mother being the Alaskan governor, but the state isn’t one of the more important states in the US, and thus the governor and her family had remained fairly unknown to the rest of the world up until now. We should all bear in mind, that living with strict moral rules and parents carying very much about the family members’ public apperance and the family’s honor and image, and so on, could make anyone wanting to rebel. Perhaps miss Bristol wanted to rebel against her mother being a super mom - or at least the public image of her being one - taking care of her five children, husband, work, having a baby with Down’s syndrome, etc. (Even I feel a need to rebel against her - no one does everything right! Everyone has some weaknesses and flaws, otherwise they wouldn’t have been human!)

And, take a look at these pictures of miss Palin and her baby brother Trig. She looks so calm, so caring, it’s like the baby’s hers and she’s so happy with it. Of all the pictures I’ve seen at the Internet from this event, mrs Palin holds him only on a couple of the pictures, and while holding him she also checks her Blueberry and speak in her cell phone. Miss Palin, however, seems content about holding and caring for her baby brother. Had I been mrs Palin, I would have carried my beautiful baby son everywhere so that everyone could have seen him and seen how proud I was of him. But the child she’s bringing along is Piper, the 6 yrs old girl. Her larger girls, Willow and Bristol tags along in the background, carrying baby Trig and his stuff.

Mrs Palin appeals to me in many ways, she’s a christian, conservative (however somewhat selective about what to be conservative about), mother of five, pro-life, beautiful yet modest, and so on. (There are also things I don’t agree upon, but I’ll leave them for now - not that it matters, I’m not eligible to vote anyhow.) But, the main thing I dislike about her (based upon my knowledge of her from the media) is that it seems as though baby Trig is in her way. Everyone salutes her for having him despite their knowledge of him having Down’s syndrome, and despite her being the Alaskan governor. But, she returned to work three days after giving birth to him… and now, during this presidential election campaign, how much time will she have to establish the very important bonds between a mother and her child? She’snt even the one carrying him around when greeting people… to me, that’s not right, and it’s signalling that he’s not that important to her… I must confess that a woman, a mother of small children, seeking this much power, that puzzles me… I don’t understand it. I mean, mrs Clinton, she’s a mother, but her daughter’s grown up, and she has only one, I understand her want to become a powerful person. But mrs Palin, no. She’snt finished with mothering being her no. 1 priority, and now she wants to show the world that a mother with small children also can become a vice president. Someone’s going to suffer from this, and I’m afraid it’s the baby and her other children.

This is perhaps her once in a lifetime chance to become something as important as a vice-president, but it’s also her once in a lifetime chance to establish the first important bonds to her little baby son. Choosing her career in stead of her children, that’s not what I would have done. And being a conservative christian, I can’t see how that’s something she would do either.

Can I wear a cross?

Am I a good enough christian to wear a cross? And is that a valid question? i mean, must I be like a “perfect” christian in order to wear a cross and thus showing everyone my faith? What if I wear a cross and still makes mistakes, what does that tell others about my faith and christianity? I do hesitate to wear a cross, because I’m afraid I’m not a good ambassador for Christ.

I make mistakes every day, either by the things I do or the things I don’t do. Can I still show people I believe?

I think that others, living more according to God’s will and His rules and so on, are entitled to, or have the right to use a cross. Because they’re better ambassadors for Christ. And there’s so many people better than me. I get a bit sad and depressed about the whole thing, because I think of all the things I should’ve done and how I should’ve been, and realise that I’m far from that… how can God love me? Perhaps he loved me when I was an innocent child, but then I started to live, and started making mistakes, and started to sin, and He knows that I know the difference between good and bad in most cases. And I can’t understand how He can love me when I choose to do something, I know or should have known, bad… Perhaps He sort of likes me, but doesn’t He expect me to perform better? To do better than this?

Cavalier King Charles Spaniel - 2

Cavalier King Charles Spaniel

The Cavalier King Charles Spaniel is the perfect dog!

If you agree, this page will please you. If you don’t agree, I’ll try to convince you about the matter! Ok, all dogs (at least almost all) are beautiful and have their charm and positive traits. But to me, the CKCS (very common abbrivation), is the most perfect dog companion. I’ll agree to the fact that the CKCS doesn’t fit everyones’ tastes and expectations. And, it is not very much of a working dog.

But it is a very good companion and reliable friend! Before acquiring my cavalier, I did a lot of research on the internet in order to find a type of dog that would suit me good. It is important to select a dog that fits one’s lifestyle and everyday life.

Things to consider when choosing a dog include, and how the Cavalier accomply with these things:

• the size of your home (apartement or large villa?). the Cavalier, being on average 36 cm high at shoulder, and ca 45 cm long, have lots of space in a small apartment. It is also easy to bring along on social calls, as it can curl up on your lap, and doesn’t frighten people with dog anxiety. Due to its mild temper and large eyes!
• urban or rural environment. The Cavalier fits both environments. It is happy with lots of playing and running about without the leash on, and also happy with the occasional play in the park.
• amount of time the dog has to be alone at home on a normal day. if trained from early age, the Cavalier can be alone for as much as eight hours. But most of he/she wants to be together with his/her family.
• family composition (i.e. kids or not, now and in the future). the Cavalier is an excellent family dog, and a good companion for single people.
• current level of activity. if you’re a couch potato wanting to get fit, it probably isn’t a very good idea to buy a dog that needs a lot of excercising, because failure to fullfill the dog’s excercising needs may make him/her destructive. All dogs need excercise, and one can train a dog’s physical condition as one can train the human. For instance, a healthy Cavalier can follow you on an hour of running, or several hours walking/hiking. But it is also satisified with a walk around the block. Especially if the weather is bad!
• Time needed to groom and cater for the dog’s fur.
• Travelling by airplane or car during one’s holiday. Some airplanes accepts smaller dogs carried into the cabin in special bags. Otherwise he/she must be placed in the luggage compartment in special cages. Travelling by car, one should think about the size of the car and the amount of luggage one usually bring along.
• amount of cuddling wanted. the cavalier is a cuddly dog, thriving when close to her/his owner. A large dog or one with a lot of/thick fur often find it too warm to be very close to her/his owner. The cavalier was at some point used as a feet warmer in bed with the higher society of England. My cavalier changes her sleeping position from under my covers to atop my covers. And, in the evening she stays put at my lap sleeping, while I read the paper, knit or crochet. Thus, all my knitting projects have small white hairs weaved into them
• dog sports. The cavalier can enjoy agility and other forms of sports. Anything done together with his/her family makes him/her happy!

This list is not conclusive!

Cute? Me? Yes, I’m cute, and I know it, and when you talk to me, I listen very carefully and tilt my head to prove it!